Approximately 55-75% of Americans will experience trauma in their lifetime. And that statistic is regarding what we call Big-T trauma like a car accident, rape, sexual abuse, horrid weather event, and more. But I believe trauma is much more prevalent than that.
Many experience trauma from emotional neglect, a conversation, or interaction with another. You can be traumatized from hearing another’s trauma story. Some can be traumatized after watching a news story on TV.
Trauma occurs when we have an experience that gets frozen in our neurological system. When we cannot process all the way through an experience we get stuck. Then when a trigger comes up that reminds us of the original event, we fall back into the same anxiety, dread, and negative thinking that we originally had.
Many do not realize that there is often no perpetrator for traumatic events. I was in my weekly meeting with my good friend Aaron today. He’s going to present at an upcoming conference and was online checking out the venue. When he saw how large and grand the presentation hall was he started having anxiety. He recalled a time in a previous workshop where he wasn’t able to focus. In that moment he feared that the audience would believe that he didn’t know what he was talking about. His original experience of this situation was traumatizing for him.
After sharing his story, I asked him to call up a situation where he felt in command, in control, and confident. While he discussed such a situation I had him do bilateral stimulation. I had him blink his eyes three times, every time I said the word “Flash,” while he was telling his alternative, positive story.
When we finished I asked him to rate the original intensity of having anxiety and dread when he was looking at the venue this week. He rated it a 6 on an intensity scale of 10. Once we finished processing the confidence story, using bilateral stimulation, his rating on the scale went down to 1-2 (calm and confident).
It’s important to note that it wasn’t critical to continue to talk about the original experience of trauma. The original trauma was introduced at the beginning of our conversation and then we went on to the success story. While he talked about his peak experience, in the background he was subconsciously processing the trauma story to an appropriate end.
This is a great example of trauma where there was no abuser or victim. It occurred in the natural course of his life. Highly sensitive people are most vulnerable to everyday trauma. Those who are emotionally sensitive are often like a sponge, soaking up all their surrounding experiences. When those individuals do not know how to process trauma all the way through to an appropriate end, they can be traumatized by a single interaction or experience.
Make no mistake about it, there are abusers and victims out there. We see them every day in the course of doing counseling. I like to reframe those situations as Teacher – Student. Trauma from a horrid teacher gives you the opportunity to be the student and explore what it is that you’re supposed to learn from the experience.
However, most trauma is from life’s everyday experiences. It could be a time when you had to stand up in front of the class and give a presentation. It might happen in a team meeting at work. It could occur in a fight with a loved one. Many are traumatized by the impact of COVID this past year.
When you find you’re having a negative experience, take the time to do a couple of things. Rate it on an intensity scale of 1-10. Identify the primary belief that goes along with the experience. For example, a child whose father promised to spend time with them and then goes back on their promise might create anxiety in the child. The child might believe “I am unlovable.” I’d ask this person to think of a time and place where they felt special, accepted, and loved, and while they’re thinking and talking about that time, I’ll have them do bilateral stimulation. You can do bilateral stimulation by alternating the tapping of your feet, by tapping the left and right sides of your temples, or by crossing your arms and alternately tapping each of your collarbones. Once you take a good 5 minutes processing in this manner, rate your intensity for the original incident again. It should be much lower.
If this is difficult for you, you do not have to do this alone. Sometimes it helps to have a safe person to lead the way. We’re here for your healing needs. Don’t hesitate to give us a call or drop us a note in the form below.