Kenosis counselors focus on helping clients empty themselves, change their lives, and fill their futures. These are our main values, and we believe personal values play a huge role in the effectiveness of therapy.
We all have personal values that inform our needs and desires. If we aren’t living our lives in accordance with these values, we might find ourselves experiencing obstacles and emotional challenges. In counseling, a therapist can help you sort through these challenges if they understand what you value most.
Alyssa Hatfield is one Kenosis therapist who places a strong emphasis on incorporating her clients’ values into their treatment. We had the opportunity to chat with Alyssa about the role personal values play in her practice and the advice she would give anyone currently in therapy or thinking about going to therapy.
How Alyssa Uses Values and Beliefs in Therapy
Alyssa was raised in Indiana, and her grandmother and great aunt had a profound influence on her upbringing. Alyssa doesn’t believe she would be where she is today without their help and support. Her passion for helping others started at a young age, when she started reading psychology books at the library with her mother. She wanted to understand why people do what they do.
Alyssa is cognitive and sensitive to the fact that there are systemic issues that make it difficult for people to thrive. She has a passion for helping the underrepresented and in therapy, she believes it’s important to acknowledge these systemic barriers when working with clients with diverse backgrounds.
With so much suffering in the world, Alyssa places a large value on making the world a better place; she chose therapy as her contribution. After obtaining her Masters in Social Work, she started working with adults struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, and loss.
Growing up poor, her parents instilled in her an inner drive to work hard. From a young age, she believed that “If you want to get something, you’ve got to do it yourself, no matter what obstacles you have.” Alyssa has a strong sense of self-motivation, and that helps her work with clients. She is constantly trying new things to help them reach their goals and live a better life.
Part of this involves understanding her client’s goals and personal values so she can be a good guide for them. She mentions, “Sometimes just having someone to talk to that’s impartial and unbiased can give them a fresh perspective.” Alyssa provides ideas and coping skills, but her main goal is for her clients to feel like they achieved what they were hoping for out of their therapy experience.
If a client is coming to therapy as a last resort, Alyssa commends them for recognizing that what they’re currently doing isn’t working, and then they can work together to find a solution. “I try to help them figure out what their values and beliefs are and help them navigate and go more towards what’s important to them.”
Overcoming Personal Obstacles
Alyssa operates from a place of candor and always gives clients the honest truth. She recalls one example from a client she’s working with: “A few weeks ago, I was just like, ‘Okay, you’re overthinking this. You’ve been working on this for a while, and you’re overthinking it.’ He was like, ‘Thank you. That’s what I needed to hear.‘ And just seeing the relief in his body language was amazing.”
Alyssa likes her clients to be candid with her as well. If something isn’t working, she would prefer to know so they can talk about it. She says, “It’s not an easy thing for somebody to do, especially if they’ve never been to counseling before. It’s a vulnerable place to be in, but I always encourage them, like, ‘Please, this will help me help you.'” Even if it turns out she isn’t the best fit for their needs, Alyssa will try to find someone different for them. She truly wants the best for the people she serves.
Alyssa recalls working with another client who was having trouble with chronic pain and depression. She wanted to come to therapy to understand how to manage her depression and pain and live the life she wanted to live.
She remembers, “This client was very motivated from the start. It was neat seeing her soak in all the suggestions and material and trust that she can talk to me without judgment. In our fifth session, she had gone through a tragic situation, and she said that before therapy and before she started working with me, she would have been in bed and wouldn’t have been able to handle it. But having the coping skills I provided her and having that support helped her get through it.” Alyssa fondly remembers how amazing it was to see the progress this client made through her own self-motivation and commitment. Her chronic pain even decreased from the techniques Alyssa gave her.
It makes a huge difference in therapy when a client is motivated to be there and put in the work. The most progress is typically made outside of therapy sessions, so having client buy-in is critical.
Alyssa’s Advice About Therapy
Alyssa wants people to feel comfortable asking questions during therapy. Coming to therapy for the first time is a huge leap of faith and can sometimes feel a little uncomfortable. It’s okay to ask questions about your fears or nerves regarding therapy. It’s important to step outside your comfort zone, and Alyssa pushes herself to do the same: “If I’m going to preach something to somebody, I’m going to walk the walk as well.”
She also recommends doing your research on the therapists you’re thinking about seeing. She recommends, “See if they have a profile and try to read about them. See what kind of person they are and learn about their styles and specialties. You don’t want to get matched with someone who may not specialize in what you’re struggling with.” Personal values and religious beliefs should also play a role in the therapist you choose.
If you’re currently seeing a therapist whom you don’t connect with or aren’t getting any benefit fromf, it’s okay to make a change. Don’t feel discouraged; do some research and find someone who is better suited to help you. Therapy is most effective when you find someone who aligns with your values, and when you’re willing to put in the work to live the life you want.