Moms face many challenges throughout the day, from getting their kids ready for the day, making sure dinner is planned for the evening, helping kids with homework, cleaning the house, and maybe even juggling a full-time job on top of it all. It’s a lot to handle.
We talked to Sara Pollard on the topic of juggling demands as a working mom and how to maintain positive mental health. She is a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner and has mostly been involved in maternal child health. She works with moms and babies, many with mental health conditions during the perinatal phase, but also moms in general to promote mental health.
In this article, Sara shares practical ways a working mom can prioritize her mental health, signs the demands are too much, and maintaining a healthy marriage.
Signs of Burnout
What’s the difference between feeling overwhelmed once in a while and burning yourself out by juggling too much? Sara explains, “In life, we are all overwhelmed once in a while, but if you’re overwhelmed more often than not, then you’re probably teetering on burnout.”
Identifying burnout early is key. The earlier you address it, the less impact it has on you and your family. Here are some telling signs of burnout:
- Sleep disturbances
- Changing appetite
- Irritability or anger
- Feel as if you can’t do it anymore
A working mom often thinks she needs to be Wonder Woman to be a good mom. The truth is no one is perfect, and striving for perfection only results in feelings of failure and disappointment.
Sara says, “If you only have room for 10 things and you pile on 20, you’re going to be doing 20 things, but not doing them to the best of your ability. But if you stick to 10, you’re going to be doing those pretty well, and you’re going to maintain your sanity and mental health in the process.” What your kids need the most is a mom who is well physically, mentally, relationally, and emotionally.
You don’t have to do it all. As we said before, utilize your support system and your partner. It’s encouraging to ask for help! Your kids aren’t going to grow up thinking, “I can’t believe my mom didn’t pick me up from school.” It’s more important to show up to their soccer game and cheer them on, or have family dinners every week, or read them a story before bed. Those are the things they will remember and help shape them into the person they’ll grow up to be.
How to Prioritize Your Mental Health
Moms are pulled in all sorts of directions every day, and first-time moms are often not prepared for the demands of motherhood. Sara shares, “We don’t know what we’re doing. It’s a learning curve, for sure. But also with working outside of the home and all the demands employers have, it’s really like having two full-time jobs and figuring out what is most important and what can be paused or eliminated.”
Protecting your mental health is vital. You can’t be the best mom when your mental health is suffering. Let’s chat about some ways you can prioritize your mental health while raising kids.
Take Things Off Your Plate
You only have so much room on your plate. Be careful not to overfill it! How do you take things off your plate? Here are some easy things Sara suggests:
- Use Siri: Ask Siri to set reminders so you don’t have to remember everything.
- Utilize resources: If you’ve had friends or family offer to help, let them! It could be as simple as school drop off or pick up, which would give you 20 minutes back in your day.
Self Care
Are you getting some kind of movement every day? Even if you can’t make it to the gym, take your kids on a walk or go to the park. Get some sunshine! What does your diet look like? Are you incorporating a healthy diet, or is it highly processed? Have healthy snacks ready to go for yourself and your kids. Small changes can make a big difference!
Bedtime Routine
Set a bedtime routine with your kids and yourself. Kids thrive on routines, and so do adults! Allow a few hours between the kid’s bedtime and yours so you can catch up with your spouse, tidy the house, or watch your favorite show.
Go Out with Friends
Try to dedicate one day a month to seeing friends. Get out and laugh and have fun! If you need to, hire a babysitter for a few hours. It’s well worth the endorphin boost from seeing your closest friends.
Spend Time Alone with Your Partner
Let’s face it – your kids won’t be at home forever, but your spouse will be. Sara adds, “You don’t want to look around and say, ‘Oh my gosh, we haven’t nurtured our relationship this whole time.’” Your marriage is still going to be there when your kids aren’t. Make time to be alone with your partner. It could be as simple as spending 30 minutes every night without screens to catch up with each other.
Address Untreated Mental Health Conditions
If you have an untreated mental health condition (or you think you have one), consider seeing a therapist or exploring medication. Sara explains, “We know untreated mental health conditions impact not only the mom, but they impact children and the family unit. Getting help for mental health conditions really benefits your kids, not only you as the mom.”
This is also setting a good example for your kids by showing them it’s important to take care of your mental health. Sara comments, “There is a genetic component to mental health conditions. If your child is more likely to have depression or anxiety due to genetic factors and they see you addressing your symptoms, they would probably do the same if they develop symptoms themselves.”
Maintaining a Connection with Your Spouse
With all the other things moms have to manage, sometimes intimacy can get pushed to the bottom of the to-do list. But maintaining a connection with your partner should be a priority. Sara recommends regular date nights. Recruit a family member or friend to help babysit. Do something fun you both enjoy and rekindle that spark between you two.
Sara also recommends reading the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman together. Figure out how each of you receives and shows love (it can be different!). It’s important to meet the needs of your partner.
Think about it long term: Eventually, your 18-year-old will leave the nest. It would be a shame to look around and think, “I don’t even know this person. I don’t even know myself anymore.” Communication is key. Men and women communicate differently. Sara suggests being very clear about what you need from each other. “I need you to throw the laundry in the dryer.” “I need you to pack the diaper bag for tomorrow.” Being specific with your requests and needs leaves no room for miscommunication.
Marriages go through ups and downs and love changes over time. Your marriage won’t get easier after you have kids. If you need couples counseling to check in with one another. We have amazing counselors at Kenosis ready to help you.
Juggling all the demands as a working mom (whether working inside the home or outside) is challenging. We understand it can feel overwhelming. You don’t need to be perfect. Use your support system, make time for yourself, don’t forget about your spouse, and seek counseling if needed. We’re here to support you!