October is National Depression and Health Screening Month, and we want to bring light to a question many individuals face: How do I talk to someone about their mental health?
Maybe it’s a situation where a friend or family member opens up about their mental health struggles. Or you’re concerned about someone’s mental health. Either way, this conversation can be uncomfortable. You might think to yourself, “I don’t want to say the wrong thing. What if I make it worse?”
We understand that speaking to someone about their mental health can be awkward, but it could also be the turning point in their mental health journey. Today, we’ll share some tips and resources to help you talk about mental health with your loved ones.
7 Signs Someone’s Mental Health is Suffering
Let’s first talk about some signs that someone’s mental health is suffering. You likely already know in your gut that something is off with your loved one. You’re one of the people who knows them best; trust your gut on these things! Here are some other signs they’re struggling with their mental health:
- Withdrawing from social situations
- Talking about being lonely
- Overly worrying
- Substance abuse
- Dramatic change in behavior
- Aloof or unengaged
- Overtly sad or negative jokes
Don’t forget that these signs can appear online, too. Monitor your loved one’s activity and notice concerning behaviors.
Common Worries in Bringing up the Conversation
Your brain might give you objections to bringing up your concerns about your loved one’s mental health. You might think, “What if I make the situation worse?” You’re worried about saying the wrong thing or planting a seed in someone’s head. While we have tips to start the conversation the right way (more on that in a minute), the most important thing is being a safe space for them to open up. You could be the only person to ask them about their mental health. In fact, assume you are.
Regarding planting a seed, Tammy Lundy, AFSP Board of Directors, reinforces, “It’s proven that [the conversation] does not plant the seed. It might give them the avenue to say something that if someone wouldn’t have asked them, they might not have shared.” Start the conversation to get your loved one the help they need sooner rather than later.
Quick Tips: What NOT to Do
Mental health is a sensitive and personal subject. When a loved one opens up to you about their struggles, be loving and open to hearing their story. We recommend NOT doing or saying these things in a conversation about mental health challenges:
- Debate with them
- Minimize their problems
- Give advice
- Try to explain their thoughts, emotions, or actions
- Diagnose them
- Be distracted
- Overly probe for information
If someone opens up to you about their mental health, they trust you. Don’t betray that trust by doing any of the things we mentioned above. Instead, follow the tips in the next section.
Tips to Start the Conversation
Bringing up mental health can be uncomfortable. We hope these tips will help you speak to your loved one about their mental health.
Talk Privately
It’s important to talk privately in a safe space for both of you. Perhaps go on a walk, meet at one house for coffee or a meal, or simply invite them to hang out. It doesn’t need to be formal; even just asking how they’re really doing can give them the avenue to open up to you.
Listen Intentionally
Give this person the space to open up to you. Listen to their story and ask questions to learn more. They might tell you something you don’t want to hear; be open and empathetic towards their feelings.
Be Direct
This isn’t the time to beat around the bush. Be direct with what you want to know. Ask if they have thought about suicide. Ask if they have talked to anyone else about their struggles. Tell them how much you care about them. Validate their feelings, but be direct in your concern.
Encourage Professional Treatment
We believe any mental health struggle deserves professional attention. Recommend professional treatment to address their mental health. Remember, it’s not your job to fix them; your job is to encourage them to seek the help they need. Depending on the severity of the situation, you can also escort them to mental health services or an emergency room or call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Additional Resources
It takes immense courage to approach someone regarding their mental health. However, you could be the person who encourages them to make a much-needed change or even save their life. Here are a few additional resources to help prepare you for the conversation:
- Seize the Awkward
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: What to do When Someone is at Risk
- Care for the Caregiver
- Conversation Starters
- Learn the Signs
Thank you for taking the steps to care for your loved one. We hope the resources and tips in this article helped prepare you for speaking to a loved one about their mental health. The world is a much better place when we look out for each other.